You know… I’ve said this multiple times already, but it’s NOT ok for you to use the n-word. I don’t care if you’re using it “by definition”, don’t do that shit. Also… I can not understand why a biphobic, heterosexist asshole like yourself decided to go to fucking KEY WEST for your honeymoon. I also can’t understand your logic when you say that you want gays and lesbians to have the same rights as straights, but your own daughter as well as every other person who is LGBTQ+ should not be allowed to marry because “words mean things” and we “can’t change the meaning of the word to suit our selfish needs”.
I also can not understand why you like Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Glenn Beck, and all of those other assholes so much. You claim to be intelligent, yet you’re extremely ignorant in terms of sex, gender, sexuality, race, and pretty much every other aspect. I still also don’t understand why you hate the French so much. You ARE part French dad. That blood runs through your veins just as much as it does for me. I swear, if you weren’t my father I’d probably cut you from my life completely.
You also KNOW how my mother treated me, and yet you want me to respect her. You KNOW that she spent a lot of the child support money on fixing up the house. You KNOW what she let Jim do to me, and how horrible of a person she is, and yet you still defend her… you even willingly go out and eat dinner with her when she’s in the area. She ran off with me while you were away at guard duty and then tried to make it so you wouldn’t have any form of custody over me because she was jealous, you have no reason to still be in contact with her now.
I realize that you believe the world to be black and white with VERY little grey in between, but when you mature and grow up you’ll realize that it’s a lie. That you’ve been lied to, and programmed to be ignorant. You’ll realize that you too are stuck in a system that screws you over as well. You’d realize that what I’m doing helps you too. You always told me growing up “someone has to be the adult, and it’s not going to be me”. Well now is your time to grow up, Dad. I will hold your hand for a little while, but after that you’re on your own to educate yourself.
This is not to say that I’m not grateful for what you have done for me, I am. I’m just tired of your bullshit and your need to manipulate and control people. I’m tired of you pretending that you’re right, and that I’m the one who’s being ignorant and childish.
Your 20 year-old daughter who is an individual.”
Read more: http://nerdydyke.tumblr.com/#ixzz1o4TWBf8v
This is the internet. Because this is the internet and I can do crazy shit like I’m about to do, I’m going to do it. Despite never speaking to NerdyDyke, her Father, her Mother, nor anyone else involved in the story I am hereby nominating myself the Advocate and Defender of NerdyDyke’s Dad. I know zero about their lives, nothing about the situation. I’m effectively talking out of my ass based on what amounts to a five paragraph letter.
I read the letter once. I read the letter twice. Something about it really “stuck” with me. Clearly ND feels that her father is, if not a pretty terrible person, an ignorant and manipulative bigot. Yet even in reading that I began to see things that it appears she has entirely missed.
Here we have a husband who, while serving his country in the military, has his wife abandon him, steal his child, and then completely deprive him of custody of that child.
Now, how does this ignorant, manipulative bigot respond? By fighting to maintain some form of custody for a child he clearly loves, and then paying out year after year in child support despite knowing the money isn’t going to his child and instead going to the house the mother now lives in (presumably with her most recent fuck buddy).
What the daughter seems to miss is the consequence of him NOT paying that child support. Had he done that it’s rather obvious that the mother would’ve deprived him of access to his daughter completely. You know, the daughter that clearly calls his intelligence (if not moral integrity) into question? So, despite knowing he’s completely being used, raped by the mother, he pays in year after year just to maintain contact with his daughter.
The man even goes on to urge his daughter to respect her mother, if nothing else because she’s her mother. Why not denounce her? Why not demean her? Why not tell his daughter how much of a piece of shit her mother clearly is? Again, the daughter seems to completely miss the how amazing this man is. He seems to be keenly aware that there is a connection between a daughters self image and how a man treats her mother. Time and time again we’ve been told that daughters of wife beaters grow up to become the wives of wife beaters. Instead, this man suggests this woman is not simply “alright” but actually deserving of respect. Because he’s trying to instill his DAUGHTER with the view that SHE is deserving of respect.
And throughout this letter, the young woman clearly views her father with contempt, specifically in the arena of gender, sexual, and race relations. Clearly the man comes from a different time and his views differ from hers. You know what he’s not though? A fucking hate monger. That much is clear from the letter. He doesn’t spew hate, he doesn’t attend clan rallies, he doesn’t pass out literature demanding a second holocaust. His views differ from hers but there appears to be very little actual malice (if any) behind them. In fact he seems to be an alright guy, more of a live and let live (for the most part) type. I’m not saying he’s going to win any LGBT awards but I don’t see the guy crawling up a water tower scrawling “FUK ALL UR NIGGURZ!!” either.
And for having these relatively progressive views (considering the standard Fox News/Ann Coulter/Rush Limbaugh crowd he gets labeled a bigot, biphobic, heterosexist asshole. By his daughter. Yeah. Wow.
She goes on to say that if he wasn’t her dad (You know, the guy that endured the painful custody battle, the destruction of his family, and the batshit crazy mother who raped him for years and years of who knows how much cash and happiness in child support just so he could maintain contact with his daughter? Yeah, that guy.) she’d cut him out of her life completely.
Well, his daughter then goes on, with absolute fucking contempt, to tell him that he needs to mature and that although she’d be willing to “hold his hand” for a little while, that he needs to educate himself. Because, you know. She’s leaving him on account of her being tired of *his* bullshit. Yes, let me repeat this *HIS* bullshit.
She then says that (although he’s an asshole, remember) she’s grateful. Not because he’s clearly loved her throughout the years. Not because he’s stood up for her who knows how many times. Not because he actually seems like a really great dad all things considered.
No, she’s grateful for the shit he’s “done for her”. She’s grateful for his fucking service.
She then, as if the she hadn’t smeared shit over the guys face enough, then proceeds to say “Love, your daughter the individual”.
So, at this juncture let me again say the only thing I know about this situation is what I read in this letter. That’s it, that’s all. Unfortunately this letter reads like some fucked up disney caricature of a bitchy ex girlfriend that, after the firefighter has saved her life from the burning building proceeds to flip the fuck out on that selfsave firefighter for being so much of a fucking failure because her matching luggage wasn’t saved as well.
Seriously, read the letter. She never says a SINGLE complimentary thing. Not once. She does not once acknowledge in a positive way her father fighting for custody, paying child support, remaining active in her life, or swallow the shit sandwich her cunt mother fed him on a monthly basis just so he COULD stay active in her life.
It’s as if she added the little grateful bit at the end just so the world wouldn’t think her a total piece of shit. In the end, even the nicest thing she says to her father comes across as completely self serving. Because it probably is.
That’s the degree of contempt she feels for her father. Her father, who was arguably even more of a victim in this situation than she was. Her father who made a hell of an effort to be a good and understanding dad, even when it required him to step out of his comfortable boundaries.
There’s not much more than could be said about that letter, not really. But there’s one last thing I could say to NerdyDyke.
Get up, go to the nearest mirror and with the shame and sorrow I so hope you feel right now, look into it deeply and say “I am my Mother”. Because every single word you’ve written about her can absolutely be applied to you.